I have no words to describe this feeling. I am a fool. I am foolish and careless. I am open and vulnerable. Any evil that may come to harm me, will kill me in a second. But it was bound to come anyway. I rest easy knowing I don’t have to spend every day fighting space. I rest easy knowing that the galaxy will continue expanding into infinity and that good and evil will come when they damn-well feel like it and that my heart will shatter into a million pieces before me and that I will lose time more than it will lose me and that I cannot save anyone, including myself, and that everything can be rewarding if I just think of it in any possible way it can exist. I have never felt this way, boy. A fool, I may be. But I believe I have fallen in love with living for the first time in my life. So I will let my heart stay out every single night, if it brings it closer to knowing this kind of love.
I go home in 4 months. A week after that; I will commit suicide.
Anonymous, I never received a notification for this message. I hope you’ve received some relief by dropping this in my ask box. Planning this, or more so knowing this, is a heavy weight to carry. Anon, this is not traditional advice, it is not advice at all. This is not traditional support, I cannot offer that. This is me telling you that you make every decision in your life. You make the decision to wake-up and produce something or to sit in bed and remain immobile. No one, regardless of how persuasive or influential, can change your perspective or frame of mind. This world will continue with or without me and you. Yet I would argue that to be beautiful. To know that every moment is a decision and choice for you to make and that space will continue to expand whether or not you decide to stay, can be incredible. To be able to marvel at how unimportant we are in a structure of organically complex components can be liberating.
Anon, I don’t know what to say. I don’t think you have put this here with the intention of me changing your mind. I think I had to type something to sleep better tonight, just knowing that I tried to share my perspective. But that’s all we have. We have what’s before us and perspective.
I can’t tell you to stay, no one can. But I can tell you, as someone who has come damn close to leaving, that there is a way to relish in insignificance. There is a way to feel perfectly content in being unimportant. I don’t want you or anyone to go, but people will go on despite what I want.
If you’d like to message me privately, we can chat. I wish that you find some peace. Your peace may be different from mine, but we can still chat about whatever you want.
This world is dope, anon. In a terrible, tragic and fragile way, this world is absolutely amazing.
i wish i had friends i could just call up at like 2am and be like “lets chill or go for a walk” and they would do it
Without deep conversation, my mind becomes restless. I need passion and intellect, it’s a shame that a person often lacks one or the other.
Brian-Let’s just kill them!
Leo-Kill the slaves?
Ian-Well they’re being set free in a way.
sorry i’m late, professor. im disenchanted with the human experience and waking up every morning thrusts me into an instant existential crisis
when you write a sentence and it rhymes
why does the picture make perfect sense